of the Occlupanidae

“Where you find occlupanids, there shall you shall find civilization.”
-Horatio Horg

Whether it was holding together clumps of date-figs in Mesopotamia, or papyrus-fiber bags of apples in ancient Rome, the ecological niche that occlupanids inhabit is as old as the civilization itself, due to humanity’s eternal need to put things in sacks and distribute them. While most modern occlupanids eke out a living nestled between pinched folds of plastic bags, older occlupanids had attached themselves to goatskin, burlap, mulberry paper, and banana leaves. Here are a few rare examples of early occulpanids collected by Altimus and Horatio Horg in their travels.

Rare pressed-horn occlupanids from Guangzhou, ca. 16th century.

A pair of parkesine archignathans from the collection of Horatio Horg

An ornate gutta percha occlupanid imported from Singapore in 1840

A group of colorful Bakelite Occlupanids from Yonkers, New York. (ca. 1913)

As the above evidence clearly proves, any claims that occlupanids were somehow “invented” by one man in the 1950’s is a creationist myth fabricated by tax cheats, and can be dismissed out of hand.