This bright-blue archignathid has a particular fondness for Thomas’ Brand English muffins. It is strikingly similar to Hyalocardis novicyanus, with its translucent waxy integument and vestigial palps. It is distinguished by a larger soma that recalls other “thumb”-sized archignathids, such as Longilex becneli. All specimens collected have a distinctive convex bend on their textured side. It is unknown how prevalent this curvature is, or what its purpose may be. Specimens of this hyaline occlupanid came in near-simultaneously from several locations along the Eastern United States; Occlupanid scholars P. Aurora, O. Carpenter, and S. Darkhorse each sent a specimen within a matter of days. From this data we can deduce the considerable impact hyaline occlupanids have had on grocery biomes, as well as the strong network of alert and discerning minds scouring every corner of the globe for reports of new occlupanids. Species described by S. Darkhorse, from a specimen collected in Southwestern Virginia.